What I Wanna Do With My Baby

Watching tv and series are such a waste of time, especially when it’s on Hulu and Netflix where we tend to end up binge watching. I’ve spent too many hours watching different series the past couple of years; it sickens me. How unproductive life feels, yet I seem to keep on doing it.

I spent my nursing hours during the day with tv on instead of filling the room with soothing music. I thought it was more productive to nurse and watch tv at the same time. The first two weeks following birth I couldn’t do anything while breastfeeding because it was so hard and painful, thus tv was my only distraction.

Would I look back and regret these wee moments? When I watched TV instead of looking at his angelic face as he sucked out the milk, without knowing whether I would remember what I was watching. When I try to put him down to sleep on his bed instead of letting him stay in the comfort of my arms, not knowing how soon he no longer requires my warmth to soothe him. I may have other babies in the future, but this one, the first one, will only pass this age once.

I will not regret this moment by watching some series I won’t even remember. I want to see his every smile and smirk, every pout and cringe, every oohs and ahs. I want to remember his every new development and growth, for he will only have one first ones. And if I don’t remember them, who will? He’s mine after all.

On second thought, I will watch tv when he lays in my arms, dozed off to dreamland. When he wakes, my eyes would be on him only.

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