I compiled this list to celebrate my second Anniversary which falls on February 12th and to welcome the coming Valentine’s Day. Dedicated to my best friends who are still looking for love, in love, or in marriage so we always remember what it means to be in a relationship, and to grow together in life.
There’s no ‘perfect’ image when it comes to men. They’re like us, human. Good men are hard to find, but a great husband is even harder. You’ll know when you’ve found someone you can imagine spending the rest of your life with, getting through the hardest of time holding hands. Yet, sometimes we forget the simple basic things in life we need. Love alone is not enough. There are many contributing factors like being ready to commit. Sometimes it’s not as simple, or even simpler. Here are 10 signs you should marry him I’ve gathered so far:
1. Make sure he’s a gentleman.
It could be tricky to know whether a guy is a true gentleman or not, especially because they can just act and behave when they first met you and all that good behavior suddenly change to his real careless self. Merriam-Webster describe gentleman as ‘a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior’.
You want to be with someone who can take care of a woman, and a family. It may take a long time to actually observe whether a man would do a good job being a gentleman for the rest of his life, but at least there’s the obvious like how he pays for dine outs, opens the door for you, make sure you cross the street or drive home safe. Little things do matter.
2. You are the single most important thing in the world.
I’ve spent so much time trying to make myself more important than my exes’ friends, but you don’t have to if he really loves you. He will put you on top of his friends and family without neglecting them. He will make you part of his group, make you feel welcome, and love it when you’re being yourself in front of them.
3. He does not judge your past, present, and future simply because he understands who you really are.
The single most important thing in any successful relationship is honesty. You will never know their reaction, where it may result to abusive behavior or to complete understanding, respect, and faith. You will know when someone is capable to love if they accept you for whom you are, no matter how dark your past were, and still respect you as if you are his angel. Someone you can trust your life with.
More important than that is someone who will do the same: someone who tells you the truth no matter how dreary it was or still is, someone who can open up his heart to you and be vulnerable, knowing that he can trust his life at your hand. A mutual trust, an equal relationship.
4. He makes sure that your needs are fulfilled: physically, mentally and spiritually.
A lesson sometimes too late to learn is that love alone is not enough. Love is blind. You need to see past that and ask yourself, “Do we grow together?” Relationship needs to grow. Thus, he would need to nurture the love: provide your physical needs (food, shelter, intimacy), lead as head of the family (wisdom, support, patience), and grow the family in a strong foundation (faith, hope, direction).
5. Communication is above all – but understanding what they meant beneath those words are key.
Most people would agree that communication with your partner is one of the most important things in a relationship, as taught in my pre-marital counseling. I talked about this list with a new friend of mine, L, and she brought ‘communication’ to a whole new level. We’d all agree that every relationship could only work with efforts from both parties, one that requires opening up your thoughts, ideas, desires and share it with that special someone.
One thing some people might not realize or forget (like me) is that communication is not tangible. Sometimes people said the opposite of what they’re actually feeling deep down inside, and it would be a blessing to have someone who understands what you actually wanted, needed, especially when things are not at its best.
6. He wants to compromise. He can live with your worst and still love you, vice versa.
No one is perfect. Sometimes we dreamt too much and expect a knight in white BMW, but hey, it’s time to realize that reality can be harsh. Us women aren’t perfect either and it wasn’t uncommon to have men backed off when they saw us snapped out of the blue.
The point is, it’s about finding someone who can accept who you really are: when you’re ugly, when you had a bad day, when things went wrong and you made a terrible mistake. Someone who will be there no matter how bad life can be. Someone willing to compromise his ‘perfect’ dream and build a life with you to reach that ‘dream’ little by little.
7. You share the same purpose: what you want from life, how you live your life, and what kind of family you wish to have.
Some people pursue career over having children. Some people like to spend their money on vacation while some other prefers to save it for a house down payment. Relationship can be really tricky when two people have different ideas on how they want to spend their time and resources. It’s important to agree on these things, as it will help determine what kind of family you will be having in the future.
8. Having something in common is important: lifestyle, interests, preferences, you name it.
People grew up differently in diverse culture, society, and norms. Different families have different values and we grew up vastly unique with each attributing factors in life, creating different personalities with different lifestyles. It would be a tough challenge, on the extreme side, to match someone religious and prefers Saturday night at home watching movies with someone who doesn’t believe in anything and prefers to spend weekend at nightclubs, drinking and getting drunk. I wouldn’t say it’s impossible but relationship is also about compatibility.
9. Chemistry is crucial, being intimate as is being romantic with each other will be the base of a great relationship. A bond. Trust.
It’s undeniably true that a great chemistry leads to intimacy, which leads to sexual interaction and creates a bond with each other. It’s important to know your partner’s perception of sex: how often, what he likes, how he performs. Some people wouldn’t know this until they actually get married, and that’s when compromise, sacrifice, and communication have to work it out.
The ‘spark’ is crucial to be kept alive over the years, and it won’t be easy. It will face its challenge again 15 years from now when your physical forms changes and his sexy secretary travels with him while you stay at home taking care of 4 kids. Intimacy and sex tells you that you’re wanted, desired, belonged, and loved. You may deny it now, you can make it work, but imagine how different your life would be to have someone you can trust your inner desire with.
10. It makes you smile to imagine walking by the beach with him 60 years from now, still holding hands, still arguing, but still longing to kiss his wrinkled cheek.
At the end of the day it comes back to your feelings. The image of emptiness life would be without him, his laughs, and his touch. The image of someone else replacing him but deep in your heart you know life would never be the same without him. The feeling you want to cling to, the tenderness you want to lie on, and the everyday challenge you want to embrace.
There would still be hundreds more things to add when it comes to marriage. Anyone ready to be married must be ready to commit: a commitment for life, for better or worse, in life and in death. A vow that seems to have lost its meaning in modern world as divorce rate increases. While it’s important to love someone it’s also important to consider the little things in life that matters to you.
Don’t marry someone just because you pity him or because you want to run away from life. Marry someone because you know he will make you a better person. In the end, listen to your heart and love shall open its door.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
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