A Year of Being A Mom – Why Do People Live?

I wonder why we live. Billions of human beings alive on the planet, walking, talking, working, pondering. We took care of the planet but we also produces waste, crowding the planets with more invention, new creations of products, animals and humans alike. For what purpose, I often wonder.

People work for a living. Is it just to live? Do we work just for the sake of having enough means to feed ourselves, pay for a place to stay and hang out with friends, or maybe to show off our expensive belongings? I wouldn’t think that’s a very satisfying purpose.

Maybe not everyone is ever reaching for a higher purpose in life. Some would feel self-sufficient doing the same mundane thing every single day. They even relish it. Some others are never satisfied with what they have, always reaching for more, trying to achieve one thing after the other. The latter may have had more achievements, but which of those two have more satisfaction in life, I wonder. I would definitely say the previous. Someone who may not have much but knows what makes them happy. 

Happiness is key to a happy life, yet it may take decades to figure out what truly makes us happy. I thought happiness means having someone beside me through thick and thin, or having a child of my own, or maybe a perfect life of a beautiful house somewhere quiet, or maybe having a prominent career of my own. I couldn’t figure out what truly makes me happy until I had them all and decide for myself what truly makes me happy.

Personally, I am at my happiest when my child smiles at me and cries out for me. It makes me feel needed and that I am important to him. To nourish and protect him – to feel belonged and desired. I awas also the happiest when I had a career of my own, failing and marveling but at the same time I’m worth something to the company and to my clients. Then comes the peace of mind knowing I have a home. A place to call my own free of bias and judgement, where I can let my OCD inner freak roam free and a husband to share it with.

Hence, my ultimate happiness is self-esteem. Being worthy of something or someone. Doing something I enjoy, especially those that brings the best out of me. I have yet reached my ultimate happiness. My dream job is still out there and I’m chasing a unicorn. There will always be a higher goal in life. A higher purpose, a bigger house, a better job, the newest car. But the people we love, they age as we do. The children we raise, they’re only at this exact phase in their life once. 

My son is 15 months old yesterday. What a seemingly long year suddenly felt like a gust of wind in a heartbeat. So many memories, so many times wasted being angry at little things. So many regrets of not doing the right things, of yelling in heat of the moment, of all the new things I just discovered. But I couldn’t go back. We could not go back in time. They all become memories and regrets.

Maybe we live simply to fill each other’s lives. To fill empty hearts with love and laughters and tears. Maybe to live is simply to smile and marvel at God’s creation, good and bad, although let’s definitely strive to put out more good than bad. We are, after all, a tiny dot in the universe filled with billions and billions of dots all around us. So let’s find out what matters the most. Today. The person next to you. The plan you’ve been dying to do. To live.

Let’s congratulate my son for sucessfully living his first year of life full of laughters. May he be a better person than I was, am, and ever be. 

[This post was written on October 16, 2016 and was posted on the WordPress site. Reposting here.]

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